Endless Thoughts
by CrazyGirl4563
Summary: After the citadel attack, Sarah Shepard wonders if Kaidan ever trusted her. Vega then invites them to a poker game. Can they smooth things out between them, or will it erupt into a screaming match! Rated M for profanity and sexual content.
1. Cookies

I just came up with this while I was listening to music today. I will make it longer but this what I have for now.

DISCLAIMER: IZ DON'TZ OWNZ ANYTHINGZ, BIOWARE DOEZ, SARAH SHEPARD IZ MINEZZZZ!  
_

Sometimes she just wished the universe would just solve it's own damned problems. Stopping Saren and the Geth, dying and being brought back by Cerberus to stop the Collectors, and now once again the universe was asking more of her by putting her in the front of stopping a galactic invasion. Not only that but her relationship status wasn't exactly healthy right now. Sure things got a little bit better after they talked in the hospital after Mars, but even despite that, Horizon was still sharp in their minds.  
Hell... She didn't even know how she kept the smile on her face when she said,"_couldn't imagine meeting the reapers without you_", to him after the Cerberus attack on the citadel. Oh yea...and that! She thought he would have been a little quicker to trust, but supposedly not. God, how she just wanted to scream in his face for not believing her, but noooo! She was to much of a goody two-shoes to do that.  
However she felt, she had to get those thoughts out of her head. James had invited her to a poker game later tonight and she didn't want to look like she had her panties in a twist. She looked for something casual to wear, good thing I stopped at some shops on the citadel, she thought. She grabbed some, almost black, jeggings and a red, skinny strapped, tank top out of her drawer and went into her bathroom. She pulled her smooth, brown, shoulder length hair out of it ponytail and brushed through it._ Good thing I straightened it_, her hair was not naturally straight, it was actually quite wavy, frizzy, and almost unmanageable. She slipped into the clothes and examined her appearance in the mirror. The tank top complimented her breast and curves perfectly while the skinny pants stuck to her toned, slim, long legs. _All the better to taunt Vega_, she thought as she started to get a self satisfied grin a on her face. She checked the time on her omnitool, _hmm, two hours left._ She exited the bathroom and looked around the cabin for something to do. She thought about drawing something but it brought back to many memories of Mindoir. If it weren't for those Batarian slavers, she would have been going to a prestigious art school in California on earth.  
She thought about singing or playing something on the piano she had bought when she first got to the citadel, but she did that everyday in her free time and she was getting bored of it. She could play video games, exercise in the shuttle bay, write a story, she had many talents, but none of them seemed to interest her right now.  
That's when it hit her. She could go bake something in the kitchen in the crew deck. Here father taught her to cook when she was ten. She walked to the elevator with iPod so she could listen to her music too.  
"EDI, crew deck please", the elevator started to make it's decent to the crew deck. She turned on her iPod and put her ear buds in as the music started to play. The elevator stopped and opened. She strode over to the fridge and looked for ingredients. _Hmmm... There's enough ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies, and I have just enough time to make them!_ She smiled and took out the ingredients. She mixed them together, plopped them on the tray one by one, slid them in the oven, and set the timer for nine minutes.  
She closed her eyes and listened to her almost club like music.  
"Hey Shep, have your music loud enough there, bet you the reapers can hear it all the way from earth", she looked up to see Joker smiling at her from behind the shiny counter.

"Very funny Joker, so what brings you down here", she asked taking out her ear buds.

"Vega invited me to the poker game later on and it starts in about 20 minutes, I'm assuming that he invited you too?" he questioned.

"Yea, I got bored and decided to bake something while I wait."

"Not surprising, Vega seems to always be checking you out  
when ever he's around you", he raised an eyebrow,"what are you making?"

The timer beeped and she headed toward the oven,"I'll show you", she pulled out the the tray as Joker leaned a bit over the counter to see what she was taking out. She carefully put the perfect tray of cookies on the tray in front of him,"you want one?" She asked smiling.

"As long as they don't taste like shit then sure."

"Please, don't insult me Joker, these are delicious, I've made them before." She scooped one of the cookies off the tray

"Whatever you say Shepard", he said as he picked up the cookie. He took a bite and immediately smiled. "Damn Shep, these are so good it makes me feel bad Garrus can't eat our kind of food." He finished chewing, gave a questioning look and asked hesitantly,"If you don't mind me asking, does Alenko know you can cook like this", she frowned a bit as he continued,"you know, seeing as you two were together before."

"No he doesn't", she answered flatly with an unreadable look on her face.  
Joker looked a bit concerned as he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it when they heard a deep and somewhat raspy voice call out from behind him.  
"Hey Joker, Shepard, what are you two up to."

_Speaking of the devil..._, she thought as Kaidan walked over to them.  
"Hey Alenko, you got to try these cookies Shepard made!" Joker responded happily.

"Well assuming that they are as good as you say, then sure", he replied giving Shepard that smile that she was sure was contagious.  
She scooped another cookie off the tray for him. His smile only got wider as he took a bite. "Shepard, this is amazing", he said after he swallowed. His smile made her insides jump and she could have sworn she was blushing.

"So Alenko, you going to the poker game?" Joker asked leaning against the counter.

"Yea, do you know who else is going to be there?"

"Well obviously Vega is going, me and EDI are going in which EDI is probably just going to 'study another aspect of an organic's behavior'", he raised his voice a bit to imitate EDI's voice,"Shep just said she was going and I think Garrus is going too."

"What about Cortez, Traynor, and Liara?" Kaidan asked quizzically .

"Steve and Samantha might go, but Liara is to busy being the shadow broker to go", Shepard answered as she checked the time,"in which we should probably head to port observation now."

"Hey Shep, you should bring those cookies with you", Joker suggested as he and Kaidan walked away.

Shepard made an 'okay, whatever' face as she wrapped up the cookies and headed to port observation.


	2. Impenetrable Walls

Once again I don't own anything, Bioware does, Sarah Shepard is mine!

Shepard stood outside port observation, staring at the door. _Did he really just smile at me... god I'd give anything to know what he was thinking, _she thought, still staring at the door. Her stomach was still fluttering from that smile still burned into her mind. She took a deep breath to calm her thoughts.

She walked into the room and saw everyone having a good time. James was getting drinks for the game, EDI was discussing tech with Traynor, Joker and Cortez were talking by the stereo set up on the counter of the bar, and Garrus and Kaidan were setting up the poker table.

"Hey Lola, over here!" James called her. She made her way over to the bar.

"Hey James, I made some cookies earlier, Joker suggested I bring them with me", she set the cookies down on the table,"so how's it going?"

"Good, but I should be asking you that due to the fact that for the past week you've hardly come out of your cabin", James stated matter-of-factly.

_If only he new..., _she thought. "I've just... got a lot on my mind lately", she looked off to the side as she responded, staring out the window.

He nodded, a bit concerned, and walked over to the poker table with the drinks. She sighed, still a little lost in her thoughts, then walked to the table also. She sat in the seat between James and Kaidan.

"So James, what are we playing cause if we're playing strip poker then I'm out", she paused and smiled,"your distracted enough as it is."

Joker grinned evilly before saying,"what's the problem Shepard, it's not like one of us here hasn't already seen you nak...", shepard gave him a deadly look, he gulped and changed the subject,"...so what are we playing James."

James took a sip of his drink and smiled at Shepard,"Don't worry Lola, the only case any stripping will be involved if you run out of credits and are still playing."

"Good", Shepard relaxed.

_Damn... that was close, if Joker continued any further then I swear I was gonna kill him, _she thought. Joker forgot that him and Garrus were the only ones that knew.

They continued to drink and play throughout the night. James and Kaidan were doing the best with both the game and their drinking. Shepard was only a little drunk while everyone else was about only half conscious.

"So Shepard, why have you been sulking in your cabin so much lately?" Garrus questioned.

Shepard looked up at him and rolled her eyes,"first of all Garrus, I wasn't sulking, and second", she gave him a knowing look,"you know good and well why."

Garrus nodded, understanding the situation.

"Shepard I have another question about human behavior", EDI stated. Shepard rolled her eyes again,"what is it EDI?"

EDI stood straight and gave a questioning tone,"why is it that some humans feel the need to hide their emotions from others?"

She sighed,"It's hard to explain EDI, people do that sometimes because they don't feel the need to discuss them, or when they are frustrated even thinking about them."

"So what are you frustrated about then Shepard?" she heard the deep voice question next to her. She held her breath, rambling in her head what to say next without tripping over words. _Damn damn damn, I didn't think he knew, she paused, of course he knew he can read me better then anyone on this whole damned ship. _The whole table was staring at them.

"It's n-nothing", she said quietly looking down at the table. Kaidan realized she wouldn't answer that question any time soon, so he let it go for now. He nodded and gave her space.

"Well I'm out for now", Shepard said exasperated throwing her cards on the table. She got up from the table and started for the bar until she felt and strong hand on her shoulder.

"Actually Shepard I have something I need discuss with you in private", Kaidan stated with a tone that was giving her no way out. She turned around to face him, but still not looking in those deep brown eyes she felt she would melt if she looked into.

"What about?" she asked with her right eyebrow raised.

"Like I said Shepard it's something I need to discuss with you in private", he kept the serious look on his face giving nothing away.

She sighed,"alright then, come on", she headed for the door gesturing for him to follow. _Well I can tell this isn't going to end well, _she thought as they headed to the starboard observation so no one would hear there their conversation.

"So what is it Kaidan?" she asked as she turned around to face him as they entered. He leaned back on his heal and crossed his arms over his muscled chest.

"Sarah, I know you well enough to know that you are most certainly _not _fine, so what's bothering you?" Kaidan questioned her, still keeping his expression serious but now a bit concerned.

"A-a lot of things", she said looking down at the floor and running a hand through her hair. That was a hell of an understatement, she was thinking about the reapers on earth, Thane's death was still fresh in her mind, she was constantly having that same nightmare every night, she was always losing more of the will to fight the more worlds conquered and the more people they lost. Her and Kaidan's relationship was always the main thing on her mind though. _Does he hate me? Does he not trust me? Does he not love me anymore? _Okay that's a bit far, of course he loves her, he wouldn't be concerned about her if he didn't. She didn't know what she was thinking, she didn't know if she wanted to scream at him for leaving her and calling her a traitor or pull him to her and kiss him till they didn't even know anything else existed.

Kaidan stood straight and took a step towards her closing the distance between them,"that doesn't explain why your acting like this, seriously, tell me what's wrong", he put both of his hands on either side of her face and forced her to look up at him,"talk to me."

She closed her eyes as she started to feel the tears well up in them. Her face scrunched up as she grabbed his hands and ripped them from her face. She turned from him and tried to keep her voice from shaking,"I told you already Kaidan, I have a shitload of things on my mind right now!" she ran her shakey hands through her hair. "Damnit, I feel like my head is going to implode on its self right now", she muttered.

"See Sarah, that's your problem, you go out of your way to help others but when ever you need something you have those invisible walls of yours keeping people at a distance and never letting anyone help you", he stated frustrated but then turned his face to an unreadable expression,"fortunately I've witnessed those walls going down."

"Kaidan...", she said softly almost in a whisper.

MEANWHILE IN PORT OBSERVATION:

"What do you think their talking about out there", James asked, nursing his drink.

Joker grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off when Garrus quickly said,"their probably just discussing business."

James nodded and went back to the game.

Joker turned to Garrus and whispered,"fine, I won't tell, but if I go out there later and find clothes all over the crew deck floor, then I'm gonna be the one sayin' I told you so!"


	3. Love Can Be Infallible

__**Warning: This chapter contains NSFW, so read at your own risk.**

Hey guys I'm back after a very long couple of days. Also here is some info about my Shepard:

Apperence: light brown long hair pulled up in a bun, blue-green eyes, straight nose, skinny brown eyebrows

History: lived on Mindoir before slaver attack, her entire squad died on akuse except for Corporal Toombs found later on at the hands of a cerberus scientist, completed missions involving admiral kahoku, defeated rouge VI on Luna, saved Kaidan on Virmire, did not kill Wrex, made Saren commit suicide, completed all loyalty missions, destroyed the collector base with everyone surviving, helped Liara become the shadow broker, blew up the alpha relay and stopped Dr. Kenson, saved grissom academy and had Jack punch me in the face, stopped cerberus bomb, cured the genophage, and did not shoot Udina cus iz didn'tz wantz to choosez the renegadez.

Personality: Paragon with a little bit of Renegade

Romance: Kaidan Alenko, stayed faithful in ME2

Class: Vanguard

Extra Power:Flare

DLC'S Owned: IZ HAVZ THEMZ ALLZ( even the new citadel onez) :D

Speaking of the Citadel dlc, I really don't know what to think about it. I love it because it's fun to fight my own clone and OMG Kaidan is cooking in it :D. I hate it though because it makes me wish even more that we had a better ending to the over all game since Bioware said that they would not include Shepard in "Mass Effect 4" or whatever they're calling it. Well anyway enough of my ranting. Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING, BIOWARE DOES, SARAH SHEPARD IS MINE.

_He's not going to let this go so you might as well tell him, _she thought as she gazed silently out the window, the vast darkness of space covered by stars. She could only hope that Joker wasn't watching the cameras of the observatory.

"Kaidan... I-I'm sorry...I just have a lot on my mind right now", she turned to face him and sighed as she continued,"the war on earth, Thane's death, all of _this_..." She waved her hands in the air to add to the last word.

Kaidan gave a confused look and said,"what do you mean 'all of _this_'."

She ran her hands over her face and replied,"you _know_ what I mean", her words muffled by her hands,"this whole confusion of where we both stand right now." She removed her hands from her face and frowned, staring at the gray flooring.

"Sarah you know that I love you and I never stopped." Her head shot up to meet his gaze, an expression of love and sympathy. He stepped toward her and wrapped her in an embrace, his arms around her waist as hers wrapped around his neck.

"Just thought that after Horizon, Mars, and the citadel attack that you would hate me and that you didn't love me anymore", she mumbled into his shoulder, nuzzling closer into his neck,"that's why I barely came out of my cabin, I was afraid of what you might say."

He lifted her head to look into her beautiful blueish, green eyes that were brimming with tears,"I could never hate you Sarah, sure, I was angry on Horizon but I didn't hate you, nor did I on Mars or the citadel", he wiped away one of the tears sliding down her face,"if it means anything then I'm sorry, and I swear as long as I'm still standing I will never let you go again no matter how many times you try to push me away or scream at me."

He calmingly stroked her hair as he waited for her response. He was about to continue when she suddenly push her lips against his. He was caught off guard at first but quickly reacted, tightening the embrace and deepening the kiss. She ran her hand through his dark curly hair, ruffling it. His hands ran up and down her sides and his tongue along her lips, coaxing her to open them. She moaned into his mouth as their tongues fought for dominance. They broke the kiss when air was needed and she gasped as Kaidan kissed and sucked along the skin of her jaw and neck. She softly whimpered as he gently bit down on the pulse spot of her neck. She could feel him grinning against her skin. Their hips moved against each other, desperate for the much needed contact. She protested when Kaidan started to lift up her tank top.

"Kaidan... don't you think...we should continue this somewhere a bit more...private", she moaned breathlessly.

He chuckled and pulled away a bit, arms still around her,"sure, guess it wouldn't look too professional if someone walked in on us right now." He kissed her again before straightening his outlook as Shepard did the same. They quickly headed to the elevator while trying to look professional as to not cause suspicion to anyone who may walk by.

Shepard hit the button for the captain's cabin as they entered. As the doors slid shut they embraced again. Kaidan pushed her into the back wall of the elevator as they kissed intensely. His hands slid underneath the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head, revealing her black lacy bra. The tank top dropped to the floor as she attempted to remove his shirt, but her fingers fumbled and she moaned breathily as he kissed in the valley between her breasts. He chuckled and helped her, pulling the shirt off and dropping it next to hers. She ran her hands over his muscular chest and stomach, dropping dangerously low towards the buldge of his pants. He caught her hands and held them both over her head with one of his, his other slid over her smooth skin to her breast. He teased her nipple through her bra, rolling it between his forefinger and thumb, making her moan deep in her throat. He licked and sucked down her neck while his hand moved to her other breast, making her moan even louder and arch her back pushing her breasts towards him. She could feel her self getting hotter and wetter between her thighs the more that he teased her.

The doors to the elevator opened with a hiss. Kaidan released her wrists and slid his hands down and under her butt and lifted her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. They kissed passionately as he carried her through the doors and to her bed. He gently laid her down on to the soft mattress and got on top of her without breaking the kiss. She rubbed the palms of her hands down contours of his back as she wrapped her legs around his hips, trying to get some kind of friction between them. He nipped her pulse spot and kissed down her chest as he reached under her, quickly undoing the clasp of her bra. She squirmed beneath him as he kissed down her shoulder while slowly sliding down the strap of her bra. She bit her lip, trying to stifle a moan, while he released her breasts from their confinement.

"Mmm Kaidan...", she moaned quietly as he sucked her nipple into his mouth, lapping and nipping it gently, while she ran her hand through his hair. She pushed her hips further against his, making her gasp as he groaned against her. She attempt to reach for the clasp of his pants but he grabbed her wrists and trapped them together above her head again. He switched his position, lapping at her other nipple and fondling the previous with his free hand, while watching her moan and squirm beneath him. Her gorgeous hair spread all across the pillow, her eyes closed and mouth open in a face of ecstasy, her back arched and chest pushed outward; it had to have been the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He let go of her hands and slid down her body, kissing her stomach before reaching the clasp of her trousers. He pulled her boots and socks off of her feet gently before returning to her waist. She bit her lip as she watched him unclasp her pants and slide them down her smooth, long legs. Her legs quivered as he spread them and nipped and sucked up her inner thighs. He reached her black panties, that were almost soaked through, and used his teeth to tug them down. He watched her as he kissed up her inner legs, her back arched even further, her nipples hard and her sex unbelievably wet, her right hand running through his hair as her other clenched the bed sheets, her biotics rippling a little across her barely tanned skin. He ventured up the inside of her thigh until he arrived at her hot, soaking core. She panted and moaned as he steadily breathed on her, making her hips buck slightly.

She gasped and moaned loudly as he slowly ran the the tip of his tongue between her wet folds. Her hips bucked jerkily towards his mouth as he lapped at her. She moaned, a bit frustrated, when she felt her inner muscles clench on nothing and more wetness ooze out of her. She bit her lip hard, almost drawing blood, when he slowly slipped a long finger into her, slowly thrusting it in and out. His mouth moved up to her swollen clit and gently circled it with his tongue, making her move her hips more against him. He slid another finger into her and moved them a little bit faster. The tips of his fingers curled a bit to hit her sensitive spot directly on. The hand twisting the bed sheet twisted even harder when she started to feel climax building in the pit of her stomach. His mouth shifted to her slit, licking her along with the fingers pounding her G-spot. She was getting really close; her muscles were clenching extremely hard; the skin of her face, breasts, and abdomen were turning a redish pink; even more wetness was sliding out her entrance.

"Oh! Mmmm... K-Kaidan I need y-you now...", her voice was strained and breathy.

"Hmm...", he mumbled. She whimpered when his voice vibrated against her center, he grinned,"I don't know, do you need me Sarah?" He punctuated the sentence by flicking her clit with his tongue.

She moaned loudly, almost sobbing,"ohh god! Yes! P-please Kaidan... I need you r-right now!" She almost screamed as her body prepared for an intense climax.

Sensing she wouldn't last long, he rubbed her G-spot roughly and sucked hard on her clit, pulling away before he pushed her over the edge. She whimpered while her center throbbed and cum dripped from her slit. Kaidan kissed up her body before capturing her lips. Her hand let go of the sheets to undo the clasp of his pants. She fumbled a bit before getting it open. She could taste herself on his lips as he pulled his pants down his hips and his boots off his feet. She slid her hand down his boxers to slide it up and down the length of him. He groaned into her mouth. With his help, she slid his boxers down and gripped him when he was revealed. He pulled her hand away and lifted her hips to his, her legs wrapping around him. She moaned breathlessly as he slid the tip of him up her folds and stopping at her clit, relentlessly teasing her. She felt the head slide against her slit, pushing into her. Her eyes rolled back in her skull and they both loudly moaned as he pushed in to the hilt.

Shepard's hips bucked against his, she was already so close to the edge. He moaned and pounded into her, as if in a fight with her hips. Her head rolled back onto the pillow while her mouth stayed in an O shape, her eyes were barely open and her eyebrows were raised, pleasure written all over her face. They both panted immensely as their hips wared against each others. Kaidan buried his face into her neck, biting at the skin hard enough to leave a mark. Shepard's nails scraped across his back leaving red marks in their trail.

"S-so c-close... ohhh! Don't s-stop!", her voice was becoming high pitched and she was moaning so loud she was almost screaming. Kaidan pounded into her harder and faster as she neared her climax. Her body tensed even more than she thought possible.

The climax hit her hard, the heat consuming her body, her center contracting and getting impossibly wetter. She muffled her scream, burying her face in between his shoulder and neck. Her arms held onto him tightly as her body shook. He slowed when he followed after her, letting out a shout and releasing into her, making her whimper as her walls still contracted around him. Their heavy panting was the only thing heard until she spoke.

"Kaidan..", she panted softly,"I know I never said it before but... I love you, Kaidan."

He pulled back slightly to smile softly at her,"I love you too, Sarah, I always have."

They kissed passionately before pulling back. Kaidan rolled onto his side taking Shepard with him. She cuddled into him, resting her head on his chest while he soothingly stroked her back.

"Kaidan?" she said.

"Hmm?"

"We didn't happen to leave our clothes in the elevator did we?"

"I'm pretty sure we did, but honestly... I really don't care."

"Me neither, although we probably will never hear the end of it from Joker."

"Well as long as I'm with you, then I don't care how much he bothers us."

Shepard snuggled in closer as her fatigue caught up with her.

"Go to sleep, Sarah, get some rest."

She closed her eyes fell asleep quickly. Kaidan gazed at her angelic face and pushed a stray strand of hair from in front of it. She smiled faintly nuzzled her face deeper into his chest. He smiled, kissed her forehead, and followed her into sleep.

MEANWHILE IN THE CREW DECK:

Joker walked into the elevator and immediately shook his head. He picked up the shirts and held them in front of Garrus.

"Hey Vakarian, I told you so", Joker said smirking.


End file.
